What Would Your Life Be Like With Boundaries?
Imagine your mom is released from the hospital at the same time that your Dad is going in for surgery. They can’t take care of each other & as usual their needs fall to you.
That’s exactly where my client Marie found herself.
She decided to stay with them for a few weeks and work remotely.
But, with the demands of both parents and work she couldn’t keep up.
Under normal circumstances Marie has trouble juggling work commitments and time for herself. Her mind constantly finds its way back to worrying about work. She says it’s like always being on-call and fears she’ll lose her job if she doesn’t finish everything quickly.
It can get to the point where unfinished projects show up in her dreams!!
As we worked through this, Marie realized that she’s terrified of disappointing someone. She lives in constant fear even though there have been no complaints about her and no imminent threat to her job. This is true in & out of work, she does NOT want to let anyone down.
The anxiety makes it hard for her to create space for herself.
As a result she can be short with her husband which is hurtful. She apologizes after, but knows the damage is done.
The fear of disappointing someone is just an old thought. Likely somewhere in her life someone expressed disappointment and Maire internalized that as something she never wanted to experience again. The thought played out over and over in her mind until it solidified as a belief, disappointing someone was dangerous.
What would life be like if she actually put boundaries around work?
To be clear, that requires more than just logging off at 5:00pm. It means mentally being with her husband when she’s with him, not thinking about the email she didn’t send. Or letting herself work on a craft project without a voice telling her to just check in for feedback on the draft she submitted.
When I asked her what would change if she really implemented boundaries, she said she’d be a lot more fun to be around-both for her and her husband.
She’d sleep without dreaming about work & maybe she’d finally be able to get back to the hobbies she loves so much without ruining the experience by ruminating. AND she’d take FMLA to focus on her parents’ recovery without pushing herself to work after spending the day caring for them.
I’d venture you’re not in Marie’s exact situation.
But, where has fear, responsibility, or dependability stolen the joy & fun out of your life?
Can you see where old beliefs might be at play?
They’re not always easy to spot.
I can help with that.
Let’s see if we can uncover some of your drivers.
Believe me, I know what it’s like to be buried under fear & change is possible - I’ve worked on it for myself and with my clients.