Finding Herself Along the Way With Stacy Weber
Stacy Weber is the founder of Tru You Training and an inspiring and passionate speaker, sales trainer, and high-performance coach. She is also the creator of Unleash Your Sales Potential, as well as a certified life coach and personal fitness trainer. She specializes in helping you create an unstoppable mindset to get out of overwhelm and into inspiration and flow.
In this episode, Stacy discusses how she spent a long time trying to fit in and found herself apologizing a LOT to make sure no one was upset with her. Not speaking up, trying to do and say the right thing, and keeping the peace led to losing her playful spirit and becoming a shell of her former self.
Join us in listening to how Stacy transformed her life and set goals to create the best life after a life-altering event led her to finally embrace and accept the real Stacy - including her gorgeous, curly locks. To connect with Stacy, visit the website https://truyoutraining.com/.
Watch Stacy's Story
Jennifer: Welcome to the I Don’t Give a Should Show – a podcast exploring ALL the ways that women SHOULD all over themselves. How many times do you find yourself acting out of obligation or doing what everyone ELSE expects from you without stopping to consider why? Where do all those beliefs that are driving you come from? If you’re tired of feeling resentful, overwhelmed, stuck, exhausted or pissed off you’re in the right place.Shoulding all over yourself is a real thing, but it doesn’t have to be in the driver’s seat.
I’m your host Jen Sherwood, and I spent waaaaay too many years trying to prove that I was good enough and worrying what other people thought while avoiding conflict at all costs. Today, I don’t give a should – well not as many anyway and neither should you. I’m talking to women like you who figured out how to stop shoulding and start LIVING.
Today, my guest is Stacey Weber, and she is the founder of Tru You Training. She's an inspiring and passionate speaker, sales trainer, high-performance coach, and the creator of unleashing your sales potential and limitless life, body, and business training. She has over 25 years of experience in sales, sales, leadership, and sales training. Stacy is also a certified life coach and a certified personal fitness trainer. She specializes in helping you create an unstoppable mindset to get out of overwhelm and into inspiration and flow.
Using The Law of Attraction, she guides you to align your mindset, habits, and beliefs with your goals to create the best life, body, and business. You'll leave her program inspired and excited to use her keys to create limitless light in all areas.
Thank you so so much for being here, Stacy!
Oh, thank you for having me. I love these types of conversations. It's so important to kind of open it up so people realize that we all have them.
Thank you for having me.
You're so welcome, and obviously, I love these conversations too, or I wouldn't be having them. I just find it so inspiring. So interesting to hear how people got on this journey and what happened to them, so let's just do that.
Let's, without further ado, Stacy. Would you please tell me and all of us what it was like for you when you were living under the shoulds?
You know, when you first reached out to me, we were talking about shoulds, and I was like, what are those for me? Well, you know, it goes, and I think with a lot of people, it goes back to further back in childhood and things like that. A lot of the things that I've gone through are part of this upbringing.
When I was young, we lost my sister and me, and it was about us being very proper, us following the good little girl guidelines, you know, was, and that's just the way it was back in the 50s. Right or not, in the 50s - I wasn't born yet.
But I remember us like it was always like we were the good little girls. We were quiet; we didn't make a fuss, you know, we're good at the dinner table when we went out to dinner. It was also a big part because we didn't talk back.
Don't talk back because that's not appropriate - you just don't do that. That was what you should not do. My mom and I love my mom, so don't get me wrong, I love you, Mom if you're watching, carried a little belt in her purse. Back then, that's what you know; spanking and all that stuff was what people did.
My mom carried a belt in her purse that she used very often, but it was her thing to go. Okay, girls, we're in the restaurant, so if you guys act up, I can take you out to the car and use the belt.
She wore out the belt more by having it in her purse than using it. It wasn't like, you know, it was horrible or anything, so don't. I'm not trying to paint that picture but more of a picture of you should be this way. What came up for me as I grew up is I didn't really speak what I thought - my opinion.
That wasn't really important, and so I should just be like, you know, quiet and like everybody else. People would view me as this proper person and nice to everybody, so they'd like me.
I just became this, like persona and very, and I was shy and that type of thing. If you saw me back, then would you be like you do now?
You talk, and you speak and all this stuff, like, you know. I was very shy, and so there was one day, and I can't remember what the conversation was about, but I think it was probably my 20s where my mom was talking to me. She was saying something that she wanted a response from, and I didn't. She goes, why aren't you talking back to me? I said, because you told me never to talk back - I just got the chills, and she went, oh, you're right.
You both had this aha moment at the same time!
I always believe everybody's doing the best they can where they are. That's why I don't go, oh, you know, they shouldn't have done that. That's what they thought was the right thing to do, and so from that moment on, my mom was like, oh, wow, I didn't realize that that would make an impact that you wouldn't speak your mind because I was like, I'm not supposed to.
That has impacted my younger years and how I was with people; I really was more like, okay, I'm like everybody else. I'll just make sure that everybody likes me. I went around and said, one thing I did; I started saying I'm sorry all the time, even if I didn't do anything wrong,
That was my go-to thing, so then no one would be upset at me.
Ah, I feel you. I imagine in the virtual world, you know, as this is going on, there are women nodding all over the place. Women of our era, this is how we were raised with a very heavy hand of don't speak up, don't cause trouble, and don't talk back.
I think your story is so relatable to so many women like you just don't give your opinion. I totally get that, and it permeates every aspect of your life.
I knew I was doing it, but I did not know why I was doing it. I mean, I did all the way up until I was probably like 50 years. People will say, Stacy, why are you saying you're sorry, you didn't do anything? I mean, people were saying that to me, and I was like, why am I saying this? Until I went into becoming a certified life coach.
I'm saying that because I want people to like me, which they like me for, but not really for who I was because I wasn't being me. So such a long time, I mean, 50 years.
What did it feel like? I'm curious, so you weren't being your true self? You were just, which is ironic since your business is Tru You. What was that like for you? I'm almost, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but as you're describing it, I'm seeing you as sort of a shrunken version of yourself.
You know, I talk about when women follow the shoulds, they feel stuck. They feel unhappy. A lot of times, people feel totally unsatisfied, and they don't know why. What was it like for you when you were? I mean, this is for anybody watching. This is people pleasing. This is like, try to fit in and try to show up and say sorry, so nobody's upset with you, but that's my original question.
How did that feel for you?
You know, I think in some ways I lost my spirit.
A playful spirit. That's still something that I have to remember, and not really living the life that I wanted to. Until I started waking up when I was in corporate, I was in corporate selling sales for 25 years, and that's when it started going; I started becoming really unhappy because, through the end of my corporate career, they sold to a very large corporation became very about the numbers and not about the people that I'm so about relationships.
That's what I built my business on in corporate, and then it just was like, I was not in integrity. I was like, I'm not happy, I am miserable, and then I finally asked myself, what do I want?
That was the first step to go; oh, this is my life. It's not that I need to live my life, and who is that person? And honestly, who am I? I haven't spoken my truth and stepped out and said, this is who I am until I decided that that was going to make me happy.
My company is called Tru You because I lost myself - I was trying to find myself after so many years of being when I thought everybody wanted me to be.
Was it a slow burn? Would you say so? The company was changing, and it was making you see that you weren't able to function in there? Were you in alignment with who you wanted to build relationships to, and whatever that means to you, so it was a slow build to that sort of realization?
It was, it was; I mean, I love my corporate career; I learned so much. There's no doubt I grew from not being shy to really expanding who I was, and I was able to do that.
Then I found that it was just, it was time to grow again. I don't know if you've ever felt this way where you just felt like ah, heavy, because you're more than I know, there's more, and I don't think it's here anymore.
I love that.
I love that you just said that because I know women might be feeling it and don't actually recognize it yet. But maybe if anyone watching is like, oh, that's what's going on, I feel heavy, and I want more. Well, Stacy's living proof that it's okay to want more and to go get it!
Yeah, I just knew because I left a very lucrative corporate career, and I did that for many years. But it was like, am I going to stay in this place? Or am I going to be happy and I knew that the happiness outweighed by far the money that I was making because I was dead inside and I wanted I'm like, you know what, I'm 50. Am I going to live the rest of my life in this way? I said no, life is too short to be living in that place.
That's what I did, and I don't regret it.
Yeah, I'm imagining you almost like swimming upstream. When you say it's been difficult but worth it, right? You're going against the grain. I always try to say that to clients when we're talking about changing - we're talking about decades of this conditioning that you're now going against, but it's good.
Can you speak to Stacy, and you know, if you don't remember specific details, that's okay, but what do you think it was that sort of helped you get over the hump like were there? Was it a seminar you went to? Was it just sheer will? Did you hire a coach who helped you turn that around and start moving toward the life you want?
I believe that drama and trauma come in when your life needs to shift. You want it to shift, but you're not quite sure how to do that. While out of the blue before this, before I moved into my own business.
My husband came home one day and said I wanted a divorce out of the blue; never knew that that was going to happen. That was like a wake-up call, you know, this is your life.
It was probably one of the most traumatic things in my life when you don't see it coming, and then he was also with someone else that I knew and was close to me.
When those things happen, then you start really looking at so what about me? What is my life now? You better figure, you know, you better look at that. What is it? Is this working? Yeah, obviously, that wasn't working, that I tried very hard to keep that marriage together, but it was not, not for me.
Then I looked back, and as a gift, there was a gift in that I always believed that there was a gift and challenges, but honestly, that weren't; I think it start was the catalyst for me looking at what do I truly want. It was me who wasn't in sync with someone else, and it was time for me to start looking at me.
I hear you, I hear you, and I want to say ladies, you don't have to have a divorce, you don't have to, you know, it doesn't have to be a catalyst, a cosmic catalyst event, you can just decide, but for lots of us, there is an event that sort of starts this ball rolling.
You can decide today that you want to be different - I just want to clarify that. So Stacy, can you tell us what it's like now, now that you've recognized them, that you've clearly done work on this, and you're in a very different position today?
So what's it like now? Not responding to all that conditioning and expectation?
Oh, it's just freeing. It's like my heart is open.
Instead of being closed, like, I've got to be this way so it's more open, I guess the first picture of my company was a girl, a woman going like this on the beach. I guess that that's what that represents is freedom and openness and just embracing life as who I truly am.
Yeah, and I guess and that's what I want for other women, especially women, and for men, too. But I mean, I work with a lot of women, that I find that that is what is holding them back is that they're not truly embracing who they are, because they're worried is people are gonna, like are they going to like me, and this is my business, if they don't like me, they're not going to do business with me.
It doesn't have to be that way because not everybody's your tribe doesn't not everybody's gonna like it anyway.
It's hard for us to realize that, like, just be yourself because, yes, not everyone will like you.
I just was thinking about how when we started this, you were talking about when you were doing what you thought you should, and it was a persona. I just can see that you went from playing this role from this persona to a true, authentic you. That's so great.
I mean, it's just like when I was younger; I hated my hair. I mean, everybody had straight hair. Yep. Because it was in the 60s, everybody, you know, that's it, and I was like, I straighten my hair, just want it straight. And now it's kind of like that same thing you got to embrace.
This is who I am.
Yeah, I have curly hair; it's not ever going to be like your hair, even though I love your hair because we always want what we don't have. Embracing me, embracing my story, bracing my experience because otherwise, we're resisting; that doesn't feel good. You know.
That's why this, like, one day, there was one day that I realized, like, oh, my parents were just doing the best they could and so just loving them for what they wanted for, for the family for us, you know, for us being growing up.
I just go, you got to embrace the whole experience and understand that that's what everybody's doing just doing the best they can at every moment.
Talk about freeing, being able to think. I really liked that approach as well, that, you know, no matter how flawed they were, your parents just did the best they could with the tools they had, which maybe weren't very many depending on your situation and harboring resentment towards them or anyone just eats away at you.
Just doing that again, I'm imagining your arms wide open, like just release it, grow from it, love what you've learned from. Think about the contrast to walking around feeling resentful. I mean, that's so beautiful - thank you for sharing that.
So Stacy, how would you say that's influenced the work you do today? Your own experience?
Oh my gosh.
It's everything really is. I sit down and think about a client that I have that's doing phenomenally because I help people in their business and help them with their sales. There was one client that sat down, and we were just connecting, you know, we're just having a conversation, and she told me about her story and about her business and, and I was like, oh my gosh, that is it - that's your thing, and that's what you want to talk about.
She's like, really? I go, yes, because she wasn't embracing that, but now that's the catalyst for everything in her business. She's got a waiting list of clients, and that's the start of it is just really embracing yourself and stepping into that power.
That's the key is stepping into who you are because then that's when people go, oh, my gosh, I want to talk with you. You're relaxed or who you are, you know, and you're unique, and you don't have to be anybody else.
Literally, the next question out of my mouth was going to be what piece of advice would you give, and so you just said it. That's the key, just step into your true self, so I agree with you. It is just the key, like dropping all the acts, because it really just diminishes who we are. dims our light. It doesn't matter if you own a business if it doesn't matter who you are.
That's the key to stepping into embracing yourself. I think that is the perfect point to wrap this up, so before we go, though, Stacy, how can our listeners get to know you? How can they follow you? Where can they go to know more about Stacey and Tru You Coaching?
I do have a Facebook page, and I do videos and lies because I love, you know, talking about these types of things are not on an ongoing basis. Then I also have my website, which is https://truyoutraining.com/
I got it, and for anybody watching, I will add this to the show notes and comments.
Any last thing you want to say before we go?
I would say embrace yourself.
Don't resist the past, your experiences, and your mistakes. You want to embrace them all because that makes you who you are, right? The uniqueness and never you don't want to push away. The unique part of you just is who you truly are.
I love that perfect note to end on.
Stacy, thank you so much for being here to all of you watching. Thank you for hanging in with us; I thought this was fantastic. I'm Jen from Jennifer Sherwood Coaching - until next time, thank you.