49 Things I've Learned in 49 Years

May 22nd is my birthday. Over the past few years I've become someone who really enjoys celebrating that day. My brother died unexpectedly at 47 years old so I no longer worry about the number, I am just thankful to be here. In honor of my 49th birthday I wanted to share some of the lessons I've collected. Maybe a nugget or two will resonate with you.

My happiness is up to me. Period.
No relationship can complete me. That is my job.
With age comes wisdom, but to really feel good in my own skin I had to (and continue to) work on the f’d up thoughts.
The voice in my head that tells me how much I suck is a big lying liar.
Fitting in is the opposite of belonging (Thank you Brene Brown).
Things are so much better when I just say what I need to say.
People will not pull up stakes and run if I speak my mind...and if they do, good riddance!
Creating a kick ass support team starts by collecting friends that you can trust AND being willing to be vulnerable with them.
I can do really hard things.
Comparison can send me into a tailspin at record speed.
Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison.
NO ONE is perfect.
Getting defensive is the first act of war (Thank you Byron Katie).
Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs.
If I don’t want to be judged, I cannot sit in judgement of others.
Sometimes a mid-day nap is both necessary and luxurious.
No is a complete sentence.
Fear of failure is more about the fears of other people seeing me fail and what they will think than actually failing.
The way I feel is a direct result of what I am thinking.
Don’t believe everything you think.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
Forgiveness is for and about me and not them
Putting someone on a pedestal isn’t good for them or you.
If I need to bend myself like a pretzel to get someone to like or approve of me they aren’t worth it.
Progress over perfection.
Hiding and armoring doesn’t actually protect me from hurt; believing in myself and being solid in who I am is the only way to be “safe”.
Should, should be a four letter word.
There are so many women in the world who want to support and love each other; it’s not all “Real Housewives” out there.
Negative emotions are a part of life; no one gets a free pass on them.
When I screw up (which we all do) the best thing to do is admit it and apologize sincerely.
Declaring “integrity” as my word for 2019 has brought lots of opportunities to be the real me, some more challenging than others.
Growing up with an alcoholic father meant keeping secrets, which led to a lot of shame. I believe wholeheartedly in Brene Brown’s work that vulnerability (no matter how hard it is) is the antidote to shame.
Whatever you are struggling with, you are not alone in that struggle.
All the fears of being an imposter, of not measuring up or not being good enough are straight up lies.
Getting in or on the water is a balm for my soul.
The smell of roses can shift my day.
Worry is like a prayer for chaos (thank you Gabrielle Bernstein).
My parents did the best they could.
I will miss my brother everyday for the rest of my life but I look back now with a smile and love, not anger.
I spent so much time putting the needs of others ahead of my own that I lost touch with what I want or need; that is one I still work on.
Unspoken expectations can be relationship killers.
If I spend my whole life worrying about what other people think, I haven’t really lived my life.
I love, love, love leading groups of women through transformation; it fires me up!
People can be disappointed in me and I can still love myself.
Not doing it like everyone else does not mean I am wrong, it just means I have my own approach.
Creativity comes in all kinds of forms; just because I can only draw stick figures does not mean I am not creative.
My kids emotions are not mine. I can love and support them without drowning in their experiences.
No one is broken.
I’m finally at a point where I can honestly say that I like who I am.