How would you never want to be seen? Is it something like...
What is it for you?
These are "unwanted identities".
Most of us do our best to avoid looking this way; which is admirable...until it's gripping or overwhelming. Unwanted identities can lead us right into shame.
For example, imagine you do your best in general not to be a jerk & then you're short with someone. What does that bring up? Bingo! It can lead to feeling like being a bad person rather than being disappointed in that one action.
On the flip side of unwanted identities are ideal identities. How do you want to be seen? Maybe that looks more like...
Here's the dirty little secret with ideal identities, they can trigger perfectionism, over achieving, or over performing.
When shame, perfection, over performing, or anything in that ballpark are at play you can bet we are trying our hardest to control how other people think of us.
But, as we talked about last week in the 3 Types of Business we can't control what other people think about us and when we try it leads to fear, stress, and anxiety.
So the next time you're feeling embarrassed (which is often the "polite" way we address shame in our culture) or see that you're over performing-pat yourself on the back for noticing it. Awareness is the first step to changing anything!
From there you get to decide how you genuinely want to show up.
You're not alone. We all have ideal & unwanted identities. The trick is to not let them run the show.