Learning to Stop Making Decisions Out of Fear of Disappointing Others
I often introduce myself at work related functions like I’m at a 12-step meeting:
“Hi, I’m Jen a recovering people pleaser/perfectionist”.
I’m sure those of you who’ve been around here for a bit have heard me say that before!
“Recovering” means I’ve worked damn hard to stop people pleasing and trying to get it all exactly right. While my perfectionist hasn’t been banished, she & I have come to a roommate's agreement of sorts and get along much better these days.
But, you can imagine how having these tendencies can cause decision making to be *ahem* challenging….
“What if, what if, what if?!” 🤬
I was struggling with a decision that would have a big impact on my business & potentially on an important relationship. To me, the stakes were high & I was terrified of making the wrong decision.
So, what to do?
At least that’s what I did initially.
But then my wiser self kicked in & instead of stewing, I talked it out with people I trust deeply. AND reminded myself of a phrase I use often with clients…
“Like your reasons”
I don’t like to make a decision out of fear.
If I chose not to grow my business in the way I want to, it would be because I didn’t want to disappoint someone I care about.
I was willing to sacrifice something really important to me for the relationship.
Hell I have sacrificed a million times before because I was afraid of having someone upset with me, thinking I was selfish, being disappointed, judging me or because I made their needs more important than mine.
Not this time.
It doesn’t mean that I now enjoy letting people down.
But disappointment is an unfortunate side effect sometime & I’m just not letting it be the roadblock that it used to be.
Are you wrestling with any kind of decision right now?
What are your reasons for your choices?
Do you like them?
If not…you may want to seriously reconsider.
That frustration you feel with yourself when you’re indecisive, you’re not alone.
AND I have ways to work with it.
Interested in talking 1 on 1 about it?