50 Things to Let Go...

May 22 is my 50th birthday. What?! In the last decade I have been on a journey to stop beating myself up and feeling like I'm not good enough. Growth requires shedding old beliefs and ideas that simply aren't true or don’t serve us. To celebrate my 50th, I’m sharing 50 things to let go. I have operated under all of these beliefs at some point in my life. Maybe there is something in these gems that will resonate with or be an aha for you.

50 things to let go:

Caring what other people think.
Apologizing when you’ve done nothing wrong.
Trying to get other people to like you.
Proving.
Perfection.
Thinking that you know what is best for other people.
Bending yourself into a pretzel so that other people will think you’re helpful, have it all together, good enough, a team player... (I could go on!).
Thinking that you are not good enough.
Being a victim or martyr (🙋‍♀️!)
Over explaining when you say no…”I can’t tonight because Jimmy has a doctor’s appointment and then soccer…” we do this because we don’t want anyone to be upset with us for saying no.
Holding yourself back.
Biting your tongue.
Ruminating over what you will say beforehand to avoid upsetting people.
Overextending yourself so you don’t disappoint anyone.
Fear that people will reject or abandon you if you say what you think, want, or need. Psst... if they do they probably aren’t the kind of people you want in your life anyway.
Worry! It’s like a prayer for chaos (thank you Gabrielle Bernstein)
Believing that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, thin, pretty, or wealthy enough... ENOUGH! That is all BS!
Fear that you will f’up your kids. The fact that you are thinking about it means you are aware. Stop torturing yourself.
Thinking that a nap, reading a book, or taking time for you is selfish. It’s not, it’s VITAL to your mental health.
Getting defensive; it blocks all hope of real communication.
Believing that what we see on social media is real. People only show the parts of their lives that they want others to see.
The idea that you don’t measure up.
Looking for your value in the way other people react to or think of you.
Believing every thought you have. Remember, people used to believe the world was flat.
The idea that you feel like crap because someone cut you off in traffic or your husband was short with you. Your feelings come from what you are THINKING about that scenario not the circumstance itself.
The belief that forgiveness is for the other person.
The notion that to forgive you have to condone what they did.
That your worth is tied to your looks, money, or profession.
Trying to fit in.
That good moms sacrifice for their kids.
The belief that asking for help is weakness! It’s not, no one can do it all.
Being busy is good, like a badge of honor (thank you Brene Brown)
The belief that you are stuck.
Thinking “this is as good as it gets”.
You should do ______. Should is obligatory and leaves you feeling powerless.
The fear that someday, someone will figure out that you’re a fraud. As if somehow you got your job, life, or everything by mistake or luck. BS!
The idea that all women are gossipy and you can’t trust them.
Carrying responsibility that isn’t yours.
Believing that other people are happy all the time. Not true! No one gets a pass on loss or negative emotions.
The idea that your parents could’ve done better. They couldn’t. They didn’t have the tools, the awareness, the insight...and believing they could have only makes you miserable.
Worrying about others is showing love.
Hiding your truth and not speaking up is the way to save a relationship.
That you can protect your kids from hard things.
Thinking that you are broken. You’re not!
Convincing yourself that you will be happy when _______ (lose 10 lbs., find the love of your life, etc.) BS! You’ll be happy when you decide to be happy. No one and nothing can do it for you.
You can’t let yourself feel negative emotions because you may get stuck there.
The notion that people just feel better in your skin as they get older. I call BS. I know plenty of women who don’t feel good enough regardless of age. You have to be willing to put in the work to shift how you think and talk to yourself.
That you are responsible for your kids’ happiness.
Superficial judgements. Criticizing someone else won’t make you feel better.
Thinking that everything is your fault.